A Little Friday Funny

It is not hard to guess the average age of a snowbird, those retirees who travel south for the winter months. Suffice it to say they are usually past or well past age 65.  The first few years we began our migration, we noticed lots of turkey vultures in the skies. They were constantly circling and riding the warm winds.

It didn't take long for the joke to be, the birds are just circling because they see all the old people below.

Now that was a little funny for a while but the other day as we were exploring the bird sanctuary near us, I noticed a sign I hadn't seen before explaining the importance of the turkey vultures in our eco system.

Here are a few facts I gleaned. They have no feathers on their heads apparently which keeps their heads cleaner as they stick them in the carcasses.

While other birds can't smell, vultures can smell carrion from a mile away.

Very corrosive stomach acid allows them to consume disease ridden meat with no problem and instead of Purell, they defecate on their legs to sanitize them.

More than you wanted to know, right?

The best thing I learned is that vultures cannot sense death and do not circle dying animals. So even if they are circling overhead I can rest assured they are only enjoying the ride on the wind currents. Whew!

Friday Funny

One day while fishing with my young teenaged grandson who is a Florida resident we watched as a kayak came our direction. It had a mom with two young children in it, the littlest asleep in her lap. I marveled at her ability to be able to paddle over the top of his head without getting him wet and waking him up.

Behind her a ways was her teenaged daughter on a paddle board. I couldn't be sure if she was on her phone texting or just studying her hands for a moment but she was falling farther and farther behind.

Suddenly she called out in a panic. "Mom! Mom! There's a whale swimming under me!"

My grandson burst into a fit of laughter. I thought he might fall in. We both knew what she'd seen. A manatee!

He was just about done with his bout of laughing when the girl cried out again. "It's okay Mom! It's just a seal!"

Another bout of laughing and then he turned to me. "Should we tell her?" he said, I'm sure dying to impart his knowledge of the Florida Bay.

"Naw," I said. "She'll figure it out sooner or later."

Friday Funny--God's Laughter

This week has been a bottom-in-the-chair-fingers-on-the-keyboard kind of week. While it has been said that you should write the first draft of your novel straight through to the end without looking back and editing, I find that the editor in me keeps wanting to fix what I've just written. I go back and find the -ing words and make them stronger action verbs, eliminate the unnecessary -ly words, and see if there isn't a better way to say something without a "was" or "were" in the sentence. It all takes time and slows the process but it's a tough habit to break.

While I was praying one day this week during devotion time, I found myself editing my words. I wanted to make them just right. Habits tend to invade other areas of life. When I realized what I was doing, I stopped. For just an instant, I thought I heard a chuckle. God must have enjoyed my discovery. After all He is Father, and as children of His, I'm sure we contribute much to his laughter.

Friday Funny --Lost in Translation?

Let's face it. Traveling to Asian countries without knowing any of the language is a challenge. Thankfully most tourist areas and guides speak enough English (often very well) that you can get along. When we are traveling with our grandchildren who are proficient in Japanese thanks to their mother (our son speaks it but the kids correct him), we rely on them to help us out since many times when we are with them we are not necessarily in tourist areas.

When we visited a couple of years ago and we all decided on climbing Mount Fuji, our tour guide spoke relatively good English but he was only getting us to the mountain where he handed over the guide responsibilities to a man who spoke little English. Since we were with mostly Japanese, the mountain guide spoke all of the instructions to our group before setting out in Japanese. He rattled on in a fascinating melodic cacophony of Japanese for about ten minutes or more.

Our granddaughter stood next to us the whole time but if I remember correctly, she may have been fingering her phone. When our guide was all done and nodded his head and waved his arm for us to follow, Bob turned to our granddaughter and asked, "So what did he say?"

She shrugged her shoulder and wrapped up fifteen minutes of instruction in two English words. "Be Careful."

Friday Funny--Speechless Again

Two more funnies from my speaking experiences. Just before it was time for me to speak at a women's function at a church, I went into the restroom to freshen up a bit. Deciding to use the toilet, I picked a stall, entered, closed the door and sat down. When I looked up I was staring at myself. The planning committee had decided that the best place to advertise the event was on the back of the stall doors in the ladies' room. While I was startled, I had to smile. Yup. Best place to advertise.

My other story involves my husband. I was invited to speak at a campground for a women's retreat and since it was quite a drive from our home, he volunteered to drive for me. Usually, I went on my own. This would be his first experience helping me with my book sales at the engagement.

The campground was beautiful nestled among scenic mountains. The drive had been very nice. As we pulled into the campground we saw lots of cabins where most of the women were staying and in the middle of the park like setting was a huge building which I took to be a large gym. When I spoke with the chairperson she had said we would be in the chapel. I didn't see anything that looked like a chapel so we parked and got out of the car to look around and find someone to ask where to set up.

A lady came out of a door to the "gym" and stopped to greet us. When we asked, she pointed over her shoulder. "The chapel is held in the tabernacle," she said. "Just go right through that door."

Following her direction, we opened a door to a huge auditorium, a tabernacle in every description of the word. It was like the kind you see huge revivals being held in. I'm guessing it would seat 2,000 people comfortably. I hadn't asked the chairperson how many women she expected. I gulped. Well, if God wanted me to speak to a group this large, I thought, He'd better stop my knees from knocking.

I walked to the middle of the room in front of the stage and looked back to see if Bob was behind me. He was still standing there, mouth gaping, as he stared at all the seats. I can't imagine what he was thinking. When I turned around again, the chairperson was approaching me. I tried to act nonchalant as I asked her how many she expected to attend.

"At last count," she said, "we had about 150 registered."

I tried not to look too relieved. It was still a good sized group but certainly not as intimidating as 2,000 would have been. I laughed when Bob carried in the first box of books. "Do you think we have enough books?" he asked as his eyes roamed over the cavernous room again.

"Plenty," I assured him. "There's only 150 registered." He almost looked as relieved as I did.

By the way, Bob charmed all the ladies who visited the book table and when I was invited back a couple years later, the chairperson wanted to know if he was coming back too. He did, Only this time he didn't stand speechless as we entered the tabernacle.

Friday Funny -- Speechless

Speaking engagements always offer opportunities for fellowship and meeting new people and sometimes, well, often for me, some great humor. There was the time I didn't realize it was a very casual affair and I had purchased a bright pink suit because it was a spring banquet. It was okay though, no one missed who the speaker was. The funny part came later.

The speaking fee I had agreed to was a love offering. In the past, the groups I had been with usually collected the offering, counted it and wrote me a check. I assumed that's what would happen. To my surprise, the ladies in charge emptied the baskets and handed me quite a fistful of money--mostly fives and singles. I didn't quite know what to do with it so I just stuffed it all into my purse as best I could.

The place where I was speaking was not terribly far from home but I didn't want to drive back by myself that far at night so I had booked a room near the interstate. What I didn't know was that it was a hotel used by a lot of truckers. By the time I arrived at the hotel, it was getting a little late and I was quite thirsty. In my arms I juggled my notes and other things I had used in my talk. I managed to open my purse and pull out the dollar that the pop machine asked for to get a bottle of cold water. 

I took my bottle of water and got into the elevator to go up to my floor. A trucker followed me in. He looked at me and smiled. "Have a good evening?" he asked.

"I did," I said just about the time the elevator door opened to my floor. I got off and the doors closed behind me. 

Once in my room I suddenly realized that I was in the elevator, in a bright pink suit, probably looking quite spent since speaking always wore me out, and my purse was open with a bunch of currency almost falling out. 

I have no idea what he thought.

Friday Funny--The Dragon's Lair

A little explanation goes with the videos here. The first video is our dive a couple years ago to a site called Dragon's Lair. There are all sorts of ways different dive sites get their name but this one is sort of obvious if you get the right view of the coral and rock that juts out. A little imagination and you are looking at a dragon and usually there is seaweed or coral growing in the part that resembles a dragon's mouth thereby making it appear to be a fire breathing dragon.

The first video is Bob's view but the second video is the view of Bob from our grandson's GoPro. Bob was mugging for the camera as if he was afraid of the dragon--or maybe it was a native underwater dance. I'll leave that to interpretation.

Dragon's Lair:


Bob's shenanigans.

Friday Funny--Morning Routine

A trip to the zoo inspired this video. Hope it brings you a smile. Enjoy!

Friday Funny--Baseball Quips

It's been fun as one by one our grandkids reach that significant birthday where Mom and Dad decide they are ready and responsible enough to have their own phone. It's a perk for Grandma and Grandpa too as we are usually among the first to get notified and the texting begins.

Our Florida grandson has had his phone for about a year and has joined the family text circle during the Ohio State football games. That usually involves Grandpa more than me. With me, he's into the Indians baseball season. Why he is a fan of teams not remotely close to Florida is beyond us but he is wholeheartedly involved.

Last weekend the Yankees were in Cleveland for three games. The first two were nailbiters but Cleveland managed to pull them out. The third game became the same kind of edge-of-the-seat game. The Yankees started out with five runs in the second inning but we came back with four runs in the sixth. It was kind of the way the first two games went with us catching up and then winning.

My phone buzzed. The text read, "We're back in the game!" I responded with "you bet!"

Then came the following text: This is the third time I have seen this movie (smiley face).

I responded with laughing emojis.

Buzzing phone: "I like how in this third movie makes you think New York actuly has a chance."

You can see my response in the picture. Well, the game progressed and went into extra innings. The phone buzzed: "This is like when the dark side rebuilt the death star. "

We lost. The phone buzzed: "Let's hope next time we play them it will be the Empire strikes out."

I'm still laughing.

Friday Funny- Flowers?

When I was growing up we lived across the street from a nice older German couple who kept their home in tip-top shape and even more so, their flower beds. I doubt there was ever a weed allowed to get a foot hold in the perfect soil that was tilled and fertilized and kept in optimum condition for the best growing conditions.

Now our yard was nothing much to look at. A bed of petunias, some evergreens gracing the front of the house and a lawn that was usually looking pretty good and full of clover--which the bees loved. More than once in a summer I would end up with a bee sting from running barefoot through the yard.

Mom had a great sense of humor and one year decided to have some fun with our German neighbors. Way before it should have been time for full blooming flowers to be in the yard--especially our yard, my mom went out and bought a bunch of plastic flowers. In those days we didn't have the cloth-like flowers or "silk" flowers we do today. They were fairly realistic though, certainly from a distance. 

I don't know how she managed to get them in the ground without our neighbors noticing but Mom would chuckle every time she saw our neighbor standing in his yard, hands on hips, staring across at our "blooming flowers." 

He must have thought that eventually they would die from neglect or a good frost since they had been planted so early. A few weeks later, he could no longer stand it. He came across the street and up to the house to ask my mother what kind of flowers she had planted. She took him around to the front flowerbed, pulled one out and said, "Plastic!"

Now our German neighbors were a bit stoic but I remember my mom saying she saw a bit of a smile appear on his face and he went home shaking his head all the way. Once Mom was in the house, she burst into peals of laughter and we heard about the one she'd pulled over on our neighbors for years after.

A Friday Funny - Venice

It's always an adventure filled with humorous moments when we travel with my husband's identical twin and his wife. Polly and I have bonded over the years as we have had to endure the twin jokes and escapades. One of the oft repeated is when a waitress will come to the table and suddenly realize the resemblance between the two. She'll usually say something like, "Are you two brothers?" So begins the litany.

"No. What makes you think so?" Followed by "We were womb mates." It takes a while to catch on to that last one but most waitresses will shrug it off and take the order.

In Venice our fun didn't have so much to do with their twiness as much as it did our ignorance of how things were done there. We were introduced to St. Mark's Square in the rain. Old buildings do not look appealing when they are dripping wet. My first thought was why do people think this is so beautiful? And then the sun came out and dried up all the rain. Ah, yes. Amazing difference.

We walked around the square and visited some of the buildings including the cathedral and then decided it would be nice to enjoy a real Italian cappuccino. There were delightful looking sidewalk cafes set up and each one had a small group of musicians playing at them. We picked out one--I think they had some stringed instruments--and sat at a table. A waiter handed us menus and we said we just wanted cappuccinos. He shrugged, collected the menus, and went off to get them.

The cappuccinos were delicious. The music was grand. And then the bill arrived. Both guys did a double take. "Hope you enjoyed those cappuccinos girls," one said. "They were $15 dollars each!"

Apparently, if we had taken the time to look the menu over, we would have discovered that there was a cover charge for sitting at the table to listen to the music. If we would have ordered something with the drinks, the cover charge would have disappeared. Lesson learned.

A Friday Funny

There are not a lot of countries in the world that still drive on the left side of the road which is the right side for them. Let's try that again. The countries who drive on the left side of the road, drive on the correct side for their traffic laws. It does make it confusing for those of us used to driving on the right side of the road which, in our home country, is the right side of the road--make that the correct side of the road for us. Confused? So is the driver who rents a car in a country such as Ireland for the first time.

Several years ago my husband's brother and sister-in-law joined us for a road trip through Ireland. Actually it was a trip around Ireland as the path we mapped out took us more around the exterior coastline of the country. My brother-in-law had never driven in a country where the correct side of the road is the left side. Needless to say he was quite nervous. I'm guessing my sister-in-law's feelings bordered more on petrified.

We were all to arrive around the same time in Dublin and Bob, who had a lot more experience with driving on the left would have driven from the airport and given his brother the opportunity to drive when it was less hectic. Unfortunately a hurricane foiled our plans. Bob and I were delayed when our flight was canceled--for two days! Our travel companions had managed to make it out of their city just before all the air traffic shutdowns.

When we finally made it to Dublin, they picked us up at the airport looking a little shaken but very proud of themselves for having survived several days on their own and driving back and forth to the airport. "The biggest problem we had," he said, "was the roundabout. Bad enough I was on the wrong side of the road but then I had to figure out how to get out of the circle." It had taken them several go rounds before they managed their way out.

The first week or so went quite well with Bob driving mostly and his brother on occasion to even out the responsibility. We laughed a lot about the rental place saying the most important thing was to bring the car back with both side mirrors. It didn't take long to discover that some of the roads were extremely narrow and had brick or stone walls bordering them. The walls were usually covered in ivy making them look softer than they were. Passing an oncoming car left little space between the cars and the walls. The other piece of advice was to remember to veer left to avoid something, not to the right into traffic.

The incident that had us truly laughing though--afterward--was on a narrow dirt and gravel road that led back to some site on our list to see. There wasn't any traffic to speak of and we seemed to have the road to ourselves. Bob's brother was driving and we started up a slight hill which blocked our view of anything coming on the other side. We no sooner crested the hill and we met a car head on. Both drivers did what came naturally. They veered to one side. Thankfully, the other driver must have been another American because we both veered to the right. The laughter was a good release from the fright we had.

Oh, and the rental agency was very happy to see us return the car with both side mirrors still attached.